Every believer in Jesus has by definition dedicated themselves to the Lord, to be His and for Him from now for ever. Sometimes it can be helpful for believers to explicitly reflect on this and articulate it in their own words. In Covenanting times it was not unusual for individual believers to formulate such “personal covenants” and sometimes to write them down. One godly woman who did this was Janet Hamilton, Lady Earlston (who died in 1696). Janet married Sir Alexander Gordon of Earlston (1650–1726), a Covenanter who fought at Bothwell Bridge. He was arrested some time after the battle, and ended up imprisoned in Blackness Castle. Janet voluntarily joined him in prison (and some of their children were born there).

At various stages in her life, Janet wrote down her reflections on the Lord’s dealings with her in the form of “soliloquies.” The earliest available of these follows in updated form. In her thoughts she moves seamlessly from addressing own soul by way of reminiscences and self-exhortations, to addressing the Lord in praise and prayer. Her recollections culminate in a renewal of her personal covenant with the Lord. Janet’s writings were discovered after her death and published at the request of her friends, with the hope that it would encourage others to write their own accounts and personal covenants.

Recollections of the Lord’s grace

Lord, I desire to bless Thy name for Thy former loving-kindnesses to me in the day of my trouble, in helping and standing by me when overcharged with affliction, and deserted by friends. What was I, and my father’s house? A poor insufficient creature, taken up with nothing but vanities of all sorts. Oh, what moved so holy a God ever to condescend to look upon me, and pass by so many much more worthy than poor undeserving me! Oh, praises be unto thee, O Most High! Oh that my tongue were employed through time in magnifying the holy name of so merciful a God!

Placing me among the godly

May not I say, His mercies are over all His other works to me? May not I sit down and admire free love? First, in inclining my heart to love Him and His people, and in casting my lot amongst the godly, and in bestowing a godly and kind husband on me (when I was left destitute without father or mother), and that He did so care for me as not to allow me to enjoy the desires of my heart, but was at pains to hedge in my ways with thorns. His infinite love did not allow me to sit at my ease, enjoying my pleasures in the day of Zion’s calamity, but prepared the way by smaller trials for greater.

Preparing me gently

Thou didst in Thy infinite wisdom, not at first cast me into the hottest flames of the furnace, lest I should not have been able to stand, but would in fright have fainted and turned back. But, oh, praise! praise be to Him who inhabits eternity, that condescended so far to me, a worm, as sweetly to train me up, in alluring me, and speaking comfortably to me, when I first entered into the wilderness!

Thou causedst Thy word to be to my soul as the honey and the honeycomb. Thou madest me sit under Thy shadow with great delight, and Thy fruits were sweet unto my taste; so that many a time which to onlookers was sad, was sweet to me. The Lord did so support and feast me in His banqueting house that I was made to rejoice in the midst of my tribulations.

Equipping me to stand strong

Likewise, Thou didst not allow me to go on with those who were indifferent in Christ’s matters, but with Thy rods Thou didst raise such a zeal and love on my spirit, and so filledst my mouth with arguments, that I could not see any thing like defection from, or wrong done, to any of Thy truth, without resenting, testifying, and contending against it. Thou madest at least this change in my heart, which was proud and haughty, much disdaining the converse of the poor, but Thou helpedst me to be denied to great folk, and to the reproach I suffered on that front, making the company of the poor that were godly in the land, dear unto me.

And I hope they shall be so while they keep in God’s way, He having passed by the great ones, and honoured the poor boldly to testify for Him; and those whom He honours, I desire, through grace, to honour.

Confronting me with the truth

Praise be to Thee whose care of me was such that it was ministers who were valiant for Christ that were sent in my way, those who did not flatter me in my sin, but faithfully and freely held out, in the gospel, what was sin and duty, and sealed the same with their blood.

Answering my prayers

How Thou didst encourage me with many sweet answers of prayer, to confirm me in Thy love! Thou didst help me, in the days of Thy love to me, to make a full resignation of all that was mine to Thee, so that when I was put out of all, stripped bare and made destitute, not knowing of shelter to me and my poor babes, how calmly and quietly didst Thou help me to go under it! So much so that I was made to fear that it was unthinking numbness, and not supporting grace.

Bringing me out of a sinful way of thinking

And such was Thy love, that even in that, Thou wouldst not let me go without a reproof. For there was a friend who was permitted to wrong me in a matter, and the Lord withdrew, and then I was as a bullock unaccustomed to the yoke. I could not get it borne, until I mourned for my folly in thinking that nature could do any thing in me, without assisting grace. Then He helped me to make a full resignation anew of all that was mine, and to look beyond all earthly portions to that noble inheritance which Thou hast purchased with Thy blood, and gavest me full contentedness in all my sufferings, both from friends and foes.

And when Thou didst (for the trial of my faith and patience) throw me in very hot flames of affliction, having all the discouragements from the world that a poor thing could meet with — and (what was sorest to me) not having that measure of the sense of Thy presence as sometimes before — oh, that condescendence! Oh, that fatherly love, that did not allow me to sink in this storm, which most people thought little of! There were few to sympathise with me, but many thought it their duty to add to my affliction.

Oh, praises, praises be to Thee, who in that time didst help me to sit silent, bearing Thy indignation patiently, because I sinned against Thee, yet Thy mercies did not fail towards me! But Thou didst in this extremity secretly support me, and didst, by restraining grace, fence me in, not giving me liberty to seek a sinful deliverance.

Renewal of my personal covenant with the Lord

O Lord, continue in Thy love, in keeping me in Thy way, that I may have reason to set up my Ebenezer, and to say, “Hitherto hath the Lord helped me.” O Thou that hast begun this good work, perfect it, that I may praise Thy holy name through time and all eternity.

And now, O Lord, out of the sense of all these Thy loving-kindnesses towards Thy poor handmaid, I desire, in Thy strength, to renew previous commitments, and solemnly anew to enter in covenant with Thee. O Lord, help me to go sincerely about it, and let Thy presence go along with the duty!

O Lord, I here desire to enter solemnly into covenant with Thee, taking Thee for my Lord and Master, and accepting Thee on Thy own terms, taking Thee for my King, Priest, and Prophet, and in my station, through Thy grace, to stand by truth, and cheerfully to take on Thy yoke, and follow Thee. Lord, Thou knowest my weakness — I desire to believe that Thou wilt be a present help in the day of need to me, according to Thy promise, and in the faith of this I go on.

I here give my hearty consent to Thee to come and take possession in my soul, and to cast out all there that stands in opposition to Thee. Come, Lord Jesus, subdue all my corruptions, and bring them under Thy feet, that I may be, through Thee, a conqueror over them.

I desire here to take Thee for my all, to be ruled and governed by Thee, acquiescing to whatsoever shall be Thy way of dealing with me. Give me Thyself, and this shall be all my desire.

I desire to enter my protestation at the throne of grace, against all principalities and powers in me that stand out against Thee, and shall endeavour, in Thy strength, to war against them, for they are as a tyrant not having consent.

Whatever I have been, I do here accept of the offer of peace through Christ, and do make a sure covenant with Thee this day, never to be reversed, hoping Thou wilt make all forthcoming unto me, both on Thy part and mine.

I desire here to acknowledge all the controverted truths that are founded on Thy holy Word (the Word which I desire to be my rule), and to confess Thee before men, that Thou mayest confess me before Thy Father. Lord, give me it in that hour, if I shall be brought before great ones for Thy name’s sake.

I desire to adhere to all the articles of the National Covenant and the Solemn League and Covenant, to which I stand engaged, only I disown the king’s part of it, he having un-kinged himself by the breach of Covenants, and by making our land a land of graven images, our land that was so solemnly given up to God. I desire in weakness to adhere to it, although it has been burnt by the hand of the hangman, and is now buried by those that better things were expected of.

O Lord, I desire to conclude by giving myself up to Thee, and all mine. Accept, Lord Jesus Christ, and help to perform, and acknowledge me as Thy covenanted child, protesting humbly, that failing on my part (against which I resolve, as Thou knowest) shall not make void this covenant, seeing I have accepted Thy offer, on Thy own terms, and will henceforth wait for what is good, so that when Thou comest I may rejoice in Thee, crying, “This is my God, and I have waited for Him.”

As witness my hand, at Blackness Castle, December 1687.
Janet Hamilton

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