When someone is saved, it means that Jesus now reigns supreme in their heart. Whatever sins and idols were lurking there before, they are all now dethroned. Although those old idols are still influential, and there is still something even in the believer’s heart that tugs back towards the old sins, yet as our king, Jesus keeps working to subdue the sinfulness of our hearts. As well as the truth of the Bible and the encouragement of other believers, He also often uses difficulties and suffering as a way of having us die more and more to sin, and live more and more to righteousness. The Covenanter Katherine Collace, Mrs Ross (c.1635–1697) reflected on this in her spiritual autobiography. She recalls how the Lord took certain things out of her life, and introduced various forms of suffering into her experience, all in order to make Himself more precious to her and so that she would more comprehensively reject the old, sinful ways. Although this cleansing and purifying process is never brought to perfect completion in any believer’s life in this world, Collace’s testimony in the following updated extract is that it is real in principle and can and should increase.

Come, my friends, I’ll tell you what the Lord has done for me. He has blotted out my iniquities, He has loved me freely. He is altogether lovely, He is infinite love, and in Him is a fountain of love. Shame on you, you worldly minded creatures, whose minds are on the earth, and who think that Christ is a hard-hearted master! Do not believe it. For the Lord’s sake, do not believe it, for it is not true.

But I will entreat you to do this, my dear friends. Try before you trust. Come and taste of Him before you harbour evil thoughts of Him, and when you have tasted, then come and tell me your thoughts of Him. I will seal this with my blood. If He deceives you, believe me, you will be the first He has ever deceived. I may say by experience that He has not deceived me.

I will tell you what He did to me. When I sought after my lovers, He blasted them all to me. I saw that they were all empty. When I had gone to thousands of idols, He blasted them all to me, and showed me fullness only in Himself. Oh, let Him be blessed and adored, the one who was content to take me when I was the off-scouring and refuse of all my idols!

He said to me, “When you have tried all the things a discontented heart can show you, you shall find them only emptiness without Me, for,” He said, “it has pleased the Father that in Me all fullness should dwell. I will give you all that your heart can desire. Your lovers and your idols may seem to give you contentment in one thing, but not in all. But if you take Me, and quit them, it shall not — it cannot — enter into the heart of man to conceive what I have laid up in store for you. O lost daughter of Adam, what can your heart desire, or your ear hear, or your eye see, but I can give you it?”

His proposal

All this time, when He was proposing a treaty of peace, I was hearing Him. “Well,” I said, “if He is like what He is reported to be, I will go and try.” So I went and desired (because He had blasted all earthly things) that He would let me see what was in Himself.

Then my kind Lord said, “It is not best that you should see My fullness to start with.”

Then it seemed to me that He was unkind, and not going to keep His promise. I said, “I’ll go after my idols again. For,” said my wicked and discontented heart, “there is not such a fullness in Him as I thought.”

And with all this, He was only testing me to see what I would do.

Then, when He saw me going away, He hedged my way with thorns, and my paths, so that I could not make any headway. Then He said, “It is best for my child to be thrown into the fiery furnace.”

When I was about to faint, being unfamiliar with His wiser dealings, He took a cordial and put it in my mouth. And when He saw that that was not enough, He said, “I will let her alone now.” So He took me out, and said, “What do you think of the furnace now?”

I replied, “Lord, I do not like it much.”

He said, “My child, you will find much sweetness in it.”

So that is how I may say that He kept His promise to me, for I have found many a precious day in the furnace. I tell you, it is sweet. My friends, for the Lord’s sake, do not weary of the sweet yoke of Christ.

I’ll tell you, my friends, I have had experience of a sinning life, but if I were to plan my own life out for myself, I would choose the cross. In fact, I would take the sweet cross of Christ before any life. But you will not think it sweet and easy till you carry it for a while, and then (believe me) you will join me in saying, “Blessed be the rod, and ten thousand times blessed be the one who sent it!”

His loveliness

I’ll tell you what it has done to me. This day I do not have an idol, no, not one, nor the least thought of going after one. The sweetness of Christ has done that.

Do not think His cross is wearisome to bear! O for a large heart, to get much love contained in it to Him! Alas, alas for a narrow heart, that does not have deep thoughts of His infinite love! O that I had a heart that would hold as much love as there are drops of water in the sea! It would still be too small! O that all the hearts in the world were mine! I would give them all to hold love to Christ.

Yes, but even if I had them all, they would not hold one drop of His love, for He is infinite love, altogether lovely. I tell you from experience, for I have felt His love.

Do not think bad thoughts of Him, for He is all-sufficient. The world is upheld by Him, and all that is in it. If you have any other thoughts of all-sufficient Jesus, put them away soon, for you will deceive yourselves. Turn in time, turn in time, my friends! Let your thoughts run in a different channel. Think of Him as infinitely all-sufficient! Think of Him as infinite love! Will you listen to experience? I know He is more than I think, but I know that He is this.

I would seal this with my blood. For His sake I am bound to lay down my life, and I have good reason to do so, for He has changed my heart from idols, and He has made me say from experience, “What I have I to do with idols any more?” And now, bless the Lord, I do not have an idol in my heart, but only an all-sufficient treasure in Christ. And for good reason! Why would it not be like this? Why isn’t it the same for every creature? For He is well worth having the pre-eminence in all things, both in heaven and earth, for it has pleased the Father that in Him all fullness should dwell. I love all other things in their own place, but I love Christ above them all.

Believe me, it is the truth, I count all things only loss and dung for His favour. He has all my heart. Why should I spend my money on what is not bread? No, no. It shall not be like that. He shall have my heart. All you who love idols, throw them away! Take the rich jewel of the gospel, and let them all go! I have done so. I have taken up the cross, and will carry it as long as I live.

I know when Christ gets me to heaven, He may say, “I have a useless pennyworth, and very dearly bought.” He gave His life for me, and has expended much labour on me, and yet I am little worth, for I do not have a large heart to love Him. Though it says in the Word, “To whom much is forgiven, the same loves much,” and He has forgiven me much, yet I cannot manage to love Him enough. Yet I may say, “Though I cannot manage to love Him as I desire, yet I love Him with all the little heart I have. I love Him, and I want to love Him.”

My testimony

Well, my friends, will you open your mouths and help me to praise free love and the assurance of free grace? To the infinite riches of free love let it be said that I do not know what it is to have an idol, and to His praise I desire to say it. But I know what it is to have had an idol, and I had many a sad day in casting my idols out. Will you not grant that I have reason to praise Him? And, my friends, will you not praise Him with me?

Well, even if you will not, I’ll tell you where all my joy is, namely, that I’m going to praise Him yet without interruption, and I shall never weary, for there is a rich room and glorious crown stored up for me, and not for me only, but for all those who love our Lord Jesus. Now, will you wait for the crown? For He has promised it, and in Him all the promises of God are fulfilled.

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